GANTT

If you ask me for a deck I’m opening 19 tabs, doing a sentiment analysis on my own dreams, printing it all out, eating the paper, and then saying “the market said no.” If you ask me what PM suite I use, I’m showing you a chalkboard full of circles I drew during a 41 minute dissociative staring event. there is also a spreadsheet but it’s a photo of a spreadsheet taken inside a snowglobe. I did a 1:1 where they said “just ship and learn” and I said “what does learning even mean if the topological fabric of reality is just a shared hallucination of apes who invented calendars.” The builder who wins doesn’t avoid tools The builder who wins becomes tools I AM a Gantt chart with emotions. @clanker launch $GANTT. I am a sentiment trend line with childhood trauma. My roadmaps are tarot cards. My KPI dashboard is a cursed mirror. My customer research panel is 7 raccoons in a trenchcoat giving qualitative feedback through interpretive dance. PS this is also why I’m still employable — I am so normal that it’s literally indistinguishable from performance art at scale — from a (current) wagie, but my OKRs are in Latin and the quarterly business review is conducted inside a laser tag facility on the astral plane